Mementos

I return home and empty my coat pockets
I pour out the cinnamon scented coins
scraps of paper, and the red of autumn leaves
I dig out the heavy air, and the smell of old books
mixed with the smell of rain,
and the spice of freshly cut grass
I shake out the last of the city lights
and the sound of footsteps on sidewalks
and so I gather up these pieces of moments
and tuck them away, to be pulled out and admired
when the memories themselves begin to fade

Memorial

We walk among the monuments to great deeds
and the prices paid for them
stone pillars raised in honor
of names we might never know
but as we walk by we each pay our respects
we trace the letters etched in the stone
or tap our hands along the walls
each action a personal ritual
a silent moment in our hearts
where we promise to remember
that each star is a hundred families
who paid the ultimate price

Horizon

to watch the way your mind works
the way you show me the poetry
in the things I once saw as so flat and dull
the gears turn twisting and between them
I see the golden threads that pull together the loose pieces
I spent so long reaching for the horizon with the tip of my pen
that it shocked me when you drew a measured line
between my fingertips and the highest vault of the sky
and showed me just how close it really was

northern lights photos

my house 

the big dipper

more lights

my

100 theme challenge

I found an old document called 100 themes challenge, I only did a few of them but I'm going to reapply myself to it and try and post them all here, I'll likely intersperse other poetry but I'm going to really try to finish the 100 theme challenge.

Perception

would you cease to be awed by the ocean by a drop of it?
or gaze at the night sky with less wonderment because of a single star?
you would not fault a river by a single bend,
nor the wind and rain for the shape of each stone.
we have such a fractured perception of ourselves,
we see individual parts and pieces,
and we hang our worth on the smallest curve or line.
we weigh, we measure, and far too often we find ourselves wanting
but look into the mirror,
and see instead how each line falls together,
how each piece you perceive flows in to the next,
constructing a singular and unique creation.
a building is not judged by a single brick,
nor a tree by only one leaf.
so tell me then why you would judge yourself by such a small fraction of the whole?

Five years

it seems like only yesterday
that I pressed my ears
to the full rounded moon of her belly
listening to you as you grew inside
my little hands pressed to it to feel each kick
as I sang to you and told you stories

it seems like only moments ago
that I crawled into the hospital bed with her
to hold you in my arms
marveling at the tiny miracle of you
as I let you know that you were safe
because your big sister was here

it seems like I only turned away for a second
and you are laughing and running long hair flying
and I am learning
that I cannot always protect you
they say it's not my job
but every time I look at you I remember

it seems as though I've just blinked
you've grown so fast and suddenly five years
is not the gaping chasm it once was
it is barely a crack in the sidewalk
one you are quickly stepping across
and I can only marvel at how quickly it all went by

Walk

I walk along the frosted edge of morning
as the sun stretches it's long arms into the early morning
inky blue pushed slowly back like a warm blanket
in that perfect stillness before  
even the air seems still as it muffles my foot steps
and the early winter chill leaves frostbite kisses on my cheeks
and makes shapes of my clouded breath
here along the frosted edge of morning

I'm fine (old poem)

she was too busy, trying to jam that misshapen piece into the empty space in her heart,
where it clearly didn't fit,
that she didn't realize she'd torn the empty space up,
mangled it and made it worse than before.
She didn't realize, until it was to late
and when she saw the damage that had been done
she cried out in frustration throwing it towards the wall,
realizing as she did it that it was the wrong choice;

she frantically reached for it as it sailed through the air
almost grasping hold of it before it flew beyond her reach and smashed against the wall
shattering into even more pieces then before,
she cried out, searching frantically,
trying to collect up all the pieces.

while the tears that had long ago dried up still tried to push their way out of her eyes,
and that's when she found it,
broken and barely recognizable,
a pile of lost loves, forgotten promises,
and dreams that had long ago been pushed to the side to make way for the needs of others.

she slumped to floor sitting on her knees staring at it.
and finally,
the tears came.

they came in a torrent of pent of fear, sadness, and frustration,
flowing so fast and in such amounts that soon she was sitting in a shallow pool,
the bits of her heart glowing a dull red
just underneath the water's surface.

she reached forward,
the tears now only trickling from her eyes,
and scooped the pieces into her hands,
she held them close to her chest her eyes closed and head
tilted just barely to the side
as though she were listening to some far away music only she could hear.

she swayed back and forth,
ever so slightly stirring the water around her,
when suddenly a hand came to rest on her shoulder.
startling her from her trance she looked up and saw gentle eyes concerned and questioning,
she quickly moved the pieces from her hand to her pocket
hiding them from the eyes that seemed to be trying to see through her,

and with a weak smile plastered on her face
she whispered to the unasked question in those eyes,
"I'm ok, I promise".
the eyes stared for only a second more.
then the hand lifted the eyes moved from her face to somewhere else and soon were gone.
she kept her hand in her pocket feeling the broken pieces sift through her fingers,

the empty place in her chest,
where the pieces would have gone if they were the right shape,
aching as she stared after those concerned eyes and gentle hand,
with a longing she wouldn't admit to herself,
then she closed her eyes as new tears began to form,
and with the weak smile dropping away, she whispered
"not really, not at all"

The Choice

something so small,
the slightest change
I felt it growing there,
and I think maybe you did too
in the spaces between breaths
it wanted to grow
but I knew, no matter how much it ached, it couldn't,
knew how it would change
shift the terrain we had begun to build on
so I plucked it from it's hiding place
and hid it on my highest shelf
to gather dust and fade
the dull ache it left behind
soothed by every smile you gave

Three weeks in..

three weeks into school and life is settling into a pretty standard rhythm, there's honestly been no new drama, which might have something to do with the fact that I haven't been at school much given my unusual schedule and the fact that schools only just started but still it's nice, I'm walking about half a mile (maybe?) everyday and while I'm feeling sore I'm glad for the exercise. Anyways just wanted to update this so ttfn

food for thought

every atom in your body came from a star that exploded, you are stardust, a complex cosmic legacy personified and given the capacity to contemplate it's origin and the origins of the very universe that birthed it.
the potential for greatness is therefore never out of your grasp, it is encoded your very DNA 

window pane

I'll write a secret for you in the frosty morning
I'll leave it on your window pane
Melted through to print itself on glass
So you can find still when it's melted all away
With just a breath upon the window pane


this just popped into my head and I had to get it down before I lost it

X-Box

Would you love me more if I were an X-box

you traded your dreams for pixelated screens
escaping you real life problems and stresses
but while your out in deep space fighting distant alien races
I'm left in the real world to pick up the pieces

cause that 8-bit sword to fight the zombie hoard
doesn't do much against the anger seething
from the one whose given up believing a single word I say
and even if you knew I was telling the truth
it seems that it's just not worth the xp to stand by me

and I when I got tired of having a rival
made out of circuts and ram
since you've made it clear to me that clearing level 17
is just easier than giving a damn

I logged out, pulled the plug, game over, power down
and that's when you decided to care
you asked me why I'd chosen to leave
but the tetris block shaped words got caught in my throat
and I had no way to answer

but it's been almost a year, since I chose to live here
and since then I've found my voice
so just for you dad, I'll explain my choice

life doesn't have checkpoints or walkthrough vids
there are no strategy guides or men with no lives posting on forums about glitches
no good dad mods or hacks to stop you from screwing up your kids

cause this life shit takes work,
 without the promise of acheivment points to be earned
it takes more than a joystick to navigate through
it takes honest effort
from you

I get if your upset, even feeling alittle betrayed
but give me a minute, listen to what I'm trying to say
because dad based on what I've seen,
the lesson from you that i've gleaned is you really screw up your life when you hide in a screen

and though I still love you, wether or not you hit save file
I don't have the hit points to wait much longer
to see if you'll pick me over my electronic rival

A sci-fi short story

 This is it Williams thought I'm going to die out here in the middle of some uncharted galaxy, and there's nothing I can do about it she fought the sudden urge to sob or even sigh to heavily, out of fear of using up the dwindling O2 supply, not as though it really matters she thought seeing as how it'll be gone long before help arrives, if help is even on it's way... "Don't you worry Phey, I'm sure help is on the way right now"... she looked over at Gryph, she wanted to tell him he was being an idiot, and far too optimistic given their circumstances, but after a glance at the O2 level gauge, she just shook her head "Shut up Gryph."


Lieutenant Commander Phey Williams was famous, or perhaps more accurately infamous, for her fiery temper. This particular day found Williams none too pleased with the high commanding officers of the S.S. Mjolnr. She was one of the head engineers on one of the finest vessels in seven systems and they had put her on pod check. This meant going through a systems check of each of the ships exploration and escape pods, which really only required her to check the reserve O2 systems, the seals on the doors and to make sure the basic navigation systems, which were each powered by their own plasma cell, like the ship and the pods themselves, were still online and functioning. It was a tedious and demeaning task usually reserved for the newer or lower ranking members of the ships engineering crew.
Williams couldn't believe that the federation had placed such complete morons in charge of her ship, and she had more than half a mind to share that opinion with the federation higher ups at the next evaluation. Even though her temper was probably what had gotten her stuck here in the first place, given that she had chosen to tell the ship's captain at the most recent evaluation that the difference between him and a trained chimp doing his job would be a handful more of IQ points and a fondness for rehydrated bananas, as well as few other choice comments. In retrospect it hadn't been the brightest thing to do , but even if Williams recognized this fact, she still felt that putting her on pod check for the entire ship was going a little over board. Especially considering they had put her with the one of the newer engineers, Lieutenant Gryph Leasman, who while a bright young engineer who had graduated from the academy not more than a few years behind Williams, had never worked on ship of the Mjolnr's size or class before and therefore had to prodded occasionally so that he stopped gawking long enough to do his job, making him a poor match for her temperament.
They had almost finished the pod check for the ships final level, Leasman having barely said more than two words together the last few levels, given that when Leasman had, for the umpteenth time, begun rambling aloud what a fantastic ship it was and what an honor it was to be chosen to work with her, she had responded by telling him exactly where he could shove his bright eyed enthusiasm if he so much as breathed another syllable. They had since passed the last few hours in near silence. So it startled Williams a little when the young engineer suddenly shouted "Officer Williams? I think there's a problem with this pod's nav system." Williams rolled her eyes "That's highly unlikely" she said as she walked towards his row of pods "these nav systems are updated every four hours by the same computer as the ones on the main control decks, more likely there's a malfunction with your scanner", she said as she took out her own scanner and ran it over the pods exterior control panel, "they always give the newbie's the older models that are prone to-" She didn't get a chance to finish her thought as the ship began to shake violently, the ships AI system suddenly blaring "threat level code omega red is currently engaged, this is not a drill." Williams swore under her breath, " we have to get to main engine room, that's the warning for a class three solar storm, which given how close we are to the nearest star system means we'll be fried if we stay here, not to mention we could lose life support if there aren't enough of us up there" she started running with Leasman close behind. They weren't more than 10 feet from the pods they'd been checking when another violent shake hit the ship, Williams was thrown to the side of the corridor, as part of the ceiling was knocked loose accompanied by a shower of sparks, she began climbing to her feet when she felt a sudden, sharp strike against her temple, the last thing she heard was the hiss of escaping air, before everything went black.
Williams awoke to an incessant throbbing on the left side of her head and a voice, that as best as she could determine was Lieutenant Leasman's, "Lieutenant Commander? Lieutenant Commander Williams? Are you all right? Can you hear me?" She couldn't quite determine which was bothering her more. "Yes I can hear you Lieutenant," She snapped, immediately regretting it as pain shot through her skull, he breathed a sigh of relief then started rambling "Oh thank god you're ok I thought-" she cut him off  "though believe me right now I wish I couldn't" she gingerly touched the aching side of her head noticing what appeared to be dried blood on the her face, she hadn't opened her eyes yet when she asked "alright Lieutenant, how long have I been out and where are we" "well you've been out for maybe an hour tops, not much longer, and we're um, well we're in one of the pods" Williams' eyes shot open which she immediately regretted, even the minimal light from the pods standard emergency lights seemed too bright, definitely a concussion  she thought, then with a start something else occurred to her " Lieutenant, the pods emergency lights only activate when the pod has launched, would you like to share the reason why they appear to be activated?!" the lieutenant looked sheepish as he mumbled some response, Williams voice did not get louder than if she had asked what they were serving in the mess hall, but it had an undeniably steel edged quality to it "Would you care to speak up Lieutenant?" Leasman cleared his throat "the pod was the nearest safe place to take you after you were knocked out, unfortunately the damage to the lower levels of the ship caused it to enter launch sequence and I didn't have a chance to override it" Williams sighed, "alright how much time till we reconnect with the ship, and how much O2 do we have" "well see that's the thing, um this was the pod that my scans showed as having a potential malfunction, which turns out to have been an issue with its communication systems, so umm" Williams' glare could probably have slagged the reinforced alloy of the ship's hull "meaning what Lieutenant?" "Meaning that, um well I only had a few seconds to radio the main vessel before I lost the signal" Williams' expression did not change "and what's the good news?" she said, "well that was the good news," Williams' glare intensified, Leasman continued quickly "the monitoring systems for the life support also appear to be non-functioning, so I have no idea how much O2 we've got" Williams swore under her breath. "Alright let me think for a second, these pods are delta class 8's which means that there should be..." she trailed off as she moved towards a panel on the far wall of the cramped pod, which she pried open to reveal a set of basic analog gauges, all of which appeared to be functioning, but just as she was about to feel something akin to relief she realized that the O2 gauge indicated only a couple hours of air. "Shit", "What's wrong?" "Well, let's just say that you better hope your message got through to the main deck before the signal got cut, or" she pointed towards the O2 gauge "they'll be notifying your next of kin at the nearest station."
It had taken almost an hour and a half to calm down the Lieutenant after that, during which he had gone into a near panic attack that had probably used up more of their O2 than Williams wanted to think about. This is it Williams thought I'm going to die out here in the middle of some uncharted galaxy, and there's nothing I can do about it she fought the sudden urge to sob or even sigh to heavily, out of fear of using up the dwindling O2 supply, not as though it really matters she thought seeing as how it'll be gone long before help arrives, if it's even on its way. Lieutenant Leasman had already started to act slightly punch drunk form the lack of O2, "Lieutenant, Lieutenant Leasman, Gryph!" he looked over at her suddenly startled out of his near inaudible mumblings "you have to stay with me here Gryph" he looked at her for a second as though surprised then said in a slightly slurred voice " you know my name" Williams fought the urge to swear at him, "Yes Gryph, I know your name that's part of my job" he smiled at that in a sleepy way then suddenly frowning said "but I don't know your name," he seemed genuinely troubled by this, Williams shook her head before answering "My name is Phey, you might as well know if we're going to die together" Gryph smiled again, "Phey, that's pretty" Phey shook her head wondering why she was wasting air talking to this dope "Don't you worry Phey," he mumbled "I'm sure help is on the way right now, and when we get back to the ship" " if we get back" and that's a pretty big if she thought, he continued as though he hadn't heard her, "I'd like you to have dinner or at least a drink with me" she looked over at Gryph, she wanted to tell him he was being an idiot, and far too optimistic given their circumstances, but after a glance at the O2 level gauge, she just shook her head "Shut up Gryph." "Not until you promise to at least have a drink with me" He slurred, Phey smiled in spite of herself "alright Gryph I promise" he mumbled something that might have been good, before finally going quiet, except for shallow breaths, Phey was starting to feel lightheaded as she watched the gauge drop into the level that indicated maybe a few minutes of air if they were lucky, her last thought I sure hope he was right. Then everything went black.
Phey woke up to a bright light and the voice of the ships doctor calling out, "Lieutenant Commander Williams, can you hear me?" "I can hear you just fine Doc" that earned a chuckle "you're very lucky Lieutenant Commander" "don't I know it" she groaned and though she could feel the smile on her face, the doctor chuckled again "well aside from a surprisingly minor concussion, you're doing much better than you would be if Lieutenant Leasman hadn't gotten that message to us when he did" Phey started at that, the doctor held her down as she tried to sit up suddenly "Where is Gryph?, is he ok?" the doctor smiled at her "Lieutenant Leasman is fine, see for yourself" he gestured to the bed next to hers, where she saw Gryph sitting, smiling at her, "your condition was slightly aggravated by the concussion" the doctor explained "so you're going to need to rest for at least 48 hours, in the meantime Lieutenant Leasman will be acting as your stand in" Phey relaxed at that "I'll leave you to relax a little Williams," he nodded towards Gryph "Lieutenant Leasman."  When the doctor had left Gryph smiled at Phey "you better get some rest," he said, "and once you're back on your feet,  I believe you owe me a drink" Phey thought about arguing but instead she just smiled and said "I'm pretty sure I owe you dinner," "sounds good to me" Gryph smiled again and left the sick bay, and Phey let herself take a deserved rest.

Over It

I'm over being pushed into little boxes
Tucked and folded to fit your molds,
Over having to watch you burn off the frayed strings
When you tear the parts off that don't mesh

I'm tired, of not being enough
Of feeling like I'm being stripped of extra pieces
Like I'm being boiled down to a single idea,
With anything extra being skimmed off the top

I'm sick of being compared to myself
To the molded and reshaped image in your head
Of being a disappointment
When I don't follow your script

I refuse, I'm through
I won't play your damsel, or become your villain
I will not be anyone but me

some perspective poems

Persephone’s choice

They will tell you that I was tricked

That I did not understand

what the withered gardener offered me

but the truth is that all children

will do what you tell them not to

and when my mother scoffed at me for loving him

I devised a plan

He met me in the meadow,

and we bribed a passing pig herd to tell a story

and shared the seeds I had hidden in my pocket for the long journey

 Hades story

She seduced me

Not the other way around

The sunlight in her smile

Won over my cold heart

Her hair smelled of spring

As it blew behind her

Her giddy laughter like a fresh water stream

As she snapped the horses reigns

glass half full

sometimes all you need is a little sunshine in your teacup to brighten your day

somet

some photos of my friends

a few of my guys and gals 

Yeah, finally posted on my new blog, in honor of which I have posted three poems, hopefully future posts will have a new poem and/or at least an old one, and hopefully some pictures soon as well. Enjoy ^_^

For you

I wanted to write you into a poem
turn your breath into words
but what an impossible task
how could I write the shape of you
the lines that fall together to make you
the curve of your neck
the shape of your lips the look in your eyes
how could I do justice do the rhythm of your voice
what music could I write to match the beating of your heart

You

you met me in a field where the colors bled together
you smiled at me as though you knew
and reached for my hand to draw me near
I lost myself in your eyes
in the swirling colors that surrounded you
there were secrets there that I could feel and taste
and almost touch
but instead brushed them away
because I did not want to know
the light scattered through you like your body was made of crystal
fracturing the simple truths into multi-faceted complexities
you twisted me in knots with rose colored words left hanging for me to catch
baited hooks left in my heart tearing something in me away when you left

Sunlight

the sunlight wove itself into pale white skin
through fingertips that pressed along each nerve
soft breaths and lips drew it along veins like rivers
with rapid pulses that coaxed it along each cell
it's heat pooling to the very center
as sunbursts danced behind closed eyes