I'm fine (old poem)

she was too busy, trying to jam that misshapen piece into the empty space in her heart,
where it clearly didn't fit,
that she didn't realize she'd torn the empty space up,
mangled it and made it worse than before.
She didn't realize, until it was to late
and when she saw the damage that had been done
she cried out in frustration throwing it towards the wall,
realizing as she did it that it was the wrong choice;

she frantically reached for it as it sailed through the air
almost grasping hold of it before it flew beyond her reach and smashed against the wall
shattering into even more pieces then before,
she cried out, searching frantically,
trying to collect up all the pieces.

while the tears that had long ago dried up still tried to push their way out of her eyes,
and that's when she found it,
broken and barely recognizable,
a pile of lost loves, forgotten promises,
and dreams that had long ago been pushed to the side to make way for the needs of others.

she slumped to floor sitting on her knees staring at it.
and finally,
the tears came.

they came in a torrent of pent of fear, sadness, and frustration,
flowing so fast and in such amounts that soon she was sitting in a shallow pool,
the bits of her heart glowing a dull red
just underneath the water's surface.

she reached forward,
the tears now only trickling from her eyes,
and scooped the pieces into her hands,
she held them close to her chest her eyes closed and head
tilted just barely to the side
as though she were listening to some far away music only she could hear.

she swayed back and forth,
ever so slightly stirring the water around her,
when suddenly a hand came to rest on her shoulder.
startling her from her trance she looked up and saw gentle eyes concerned and questioning,
she quickly moved the pieces from her hand to her pocket
hiding them from the eyes that seemed to be trying to see through her,

and with a weak smile plastered on her face
she whispered to the unasked question in those eyes,
"I'm ok, I promise".
the eyes stared for only a second more.
then the hand lifted the eyes moved from her face to somewhere else and soon were gone.
she kept her hand in her pocket feeling the broken pieces sift through her fingers,

the empty place in her chest,
where the pieces would have gone if they were the right shape,
aching as she stared after those concerned eyes and gentle hand,
with a longing she wouldn't admit to herself,
then she closed her eyes as new tears began to form,
and with the weak smile dropping away, she whispered
"not really, not at all"